Your Authentic Self – Sex and the City Meet Jane Austen

I have a confession to make. I – concert music lover, double literature major, French speaker, gourmet cook, world traveler, classical pianist – love Sex and The City! There is something about the smart, provocative dialogue and the genuine pathos of our four hapless heroines as they go through life trying to find love and fulfillment. I am particularly drawn to Carrie Bradshaw – beautiful, quirky, talented, generous, loving. How I often wanted to scream “Carrie, be yourself! What are you doing masquerading around as this superficial glamour chick, playing all those games and falling for men who just don’t appreciate you for the wonderful person that you are?”

Well, finally, after many ups and downs, she finds the right guy-although she has to endure more humiliation as she goes for the glitzy, high-profile wedding and the Vogue spread which again turns out to be not what she is really about. She ends up marrying her true love in a simple ceremony in a sweet vintage outfit surrounded by her nearest and dearest friends.

So who gets it right?

For that, let’s look to Jane Austen’s Emma (the source of the plot of the movie Clueless) and specifically, Mr. Knightly, the heroine’s suitor. Mr. Knightly is a 19th Century gentleman farmer who speaks his mind, particularly to our heroine who has not quite figured out who she is. He attends society dinner parties and tends to the affairs of his local government without having to play into the hilarious stereotypes that Jane Austen subtly presents to us because he is not afraid to be himself. Indeed, his neighbors and our heroine are drawn to him just because he is who he is. It is so refreshing to see a character go about his life with utter confidence in himself, conventions be damned! He has no need to explain himself; he just is. Read the book and you will see why he is such a compelling character.

Two very different examples show us that you can sniff out authenticity just about anywhere you look if you have your radar out for it. (A great recent example is the movie The Education!)

And why is authenticity important?

When you are able to be your authentic self and act in a way that is consistent with who you really are, you are much more likely to find fulfillment. There is no need to compare yourself to others because those judgments (both of others and of yourself) just do not matter. You radiate positive self-confidence and are able to attract others without thinking about. To me, that’s why authenticity is one of the key ingredients to success.

Think of a time when you felt totally yourself.

In a relationship: How freeing to be able to stop playing games and just be, not worrying about what the other person thinks because you trust that you are exactly right! That feeling translates into a much deeper quality relationship, doesn’t it?

In your art: Your most cherished performances or creations inevitably happen when you tap into that authentic best self and you are free in that moment to share your gift without fear of judgment, right?

At work: What about when you throw yourself into project and give it your all-out best, using talents that express exactly who you are? Whether you are the junior member of the team or the project leader, you don’t have to worry if you are good enough because you have that inner confidence that comes from sharing your gift naturally. You even have the confidence to ask for help if you need it.

That’s why so many people find true fulfillment and success when they are able to tap into their authentic selves and begin to live in a way that is in alignment with that authentic self.

Back to Carrie and Mr. Knightly. Why am I so drawn to them? Because from the time I first read Holden Caulfield’s rants against the “phonies” in Catcher in the Rye, I was struck by how much better life can be when you can be yourself. It took me a while to be able to discover my authentic self and then figure out how to live it, but the rewards are well worth it.

So this month’s question is: What does it mean for you to be authentic?

The answer is not an easy one so let’s start with some simple steps:

ACTION STEPS

1. You can start by identifying your favorite characters or personalities or even people whom you know and admire. Think about why they resonate for you. What about these people is appealing? What does that say about you?
2. What’s your favorite thing about yourself?
3. What can you do this month to live that quality?

*You may want to start keeping a Success Journal as you reflect on these questions since they will provide you with invaluable clues about yourself.

I would love to hear what you come up with so please email me at astrid@astridbaumgardner.com. Here’s to your authentic success!

Astrid Baumgardner, JD,ACC
Certified Professional Coach
917-747-5625
http://astridbaumgardner.com

I also would love to hear what you have to say. This is a perfect project for my Self-Journey blog.